Hafa? (hello in Chamorro) sunshine!! so i just had a convo with my mom about what to do and where to retreat when life is hard and i have to say that i hadn’t really thought about it until now. when life is hard for me i guess i tend to retreat within. i’m actually a bit of an introvert most of the time so when life is hard its most natural for me to retreat within. but where do i go when i go within? after all, there are many depths of me.
so now actually going thru the motions as i’m typing this blog entry i can best describe my going within process as getting on an elevator. however, the elevator descends down instead of up.
so i stop on the first floor which i’ll describe as the floor of questions. there i just ask myself what i’m doing and why? how do i get out of this situation? and a mirage of other probing questions.
then i get back on the elevator and head down to the second level, which i’ll call the resolution floor. there i mentally try different solutions to determine what will be my course of action. next, i head down to the third floor which i’ll call disappointment. there i begin to really go thru the motions and have my “woe is me” moment because i’m feeling like none of my solutions are working. this is probably my least favorite floor, but its a place that i must experience to get to my cleanse which is where i head to next.
the fourth floor is what i’ll call the purge. there i just have a good cry, i release the hurt, disappointment, anger, etc. and i leave it there. next, i go to the fifth floor that i’ll call nothingness where i just sit alone in darkness to clear my mind and escape for a while. it is this floor that i get the most out of. it is in this space of nothingness that my transformation occurs.
what i’ve realized over the years is that my life’s tough spots are there for the purpose of my transformation, which makes this the most important part of the process. in fact, these circumstances force me to transform and the only way that this happens is if i retreat inward to darkness. from there, i head to the sixth floor which i’ll call wisdom. once i start to see thru the darkness i come into my wisdom, which usually signifies my rise from this space of life’s hard knocks and also my favorite place to be. from there i head back up in knowledge, wisdom and understanding.
now this wasn’t always my process. in fact, i used to retreat to family, friends, and significant others when life got hard, and from time to time i still do. however, what i find is that they never really have the answers. moreover, i don’t quite experience so transformative a process when leaning so heavily on them.
some time ago, i realized that my hard life circumstances were a lesson for me and me alone which is why no one else was ever really in a position to be of much assistance. for one, it seemed the advice they gave always seemed to only provide a temporary fix rather than the life altering change that was necessary for me to truly move forward. also, the advice and support never seemed to get to the crux of the issue that i needed to resolve from a spiritual perspective.
nonetheless, i am always very gracious for having them around and recognize that very often they are used to get a message to me from Spirit which is always a great thing. yet, sitting here typing this blog entry what i just realized is that they are actually part of my growth because in them not having the answers it forces me to retreat within deeper to seek out the answers and to take the necessary actions to get myself into a more desirable space.
so i guess my fam and friends are ultimately a huge part of my inner journey. after all, this universe is mental and everyone and everything around me is actually me 
that said, thank you all so much for all that you have been to me. i love you, i love you, i love you!!! you all are so beautiful!
so where do you retreat when life is hard?
sunflower smooches!Amirah (Blissfully Mindful)
